Call First

I wish there were a book that teenagers, Spouses, Parents, Friends etc... could read that would be so descriptive that the reader would immediately feel what its like to have high anxiety. Just for that moment. Just so they would know what you yourself are feeling at that moment.

My son, who is a lot like most teens at his age (17) comes home a lot and wants to leave with friends. He's social, loud, and feels no fear. Quite the contrast compared to his Mother who just jumped at the sound of the front door opening like her life was in danger.

He comes charging through the front door boisterous and asking me to meet his friend Vinnie who was still outside. My mind and heart racing and my body paralyzed in what can only be described as an overwhelming fear and tensity declines this meet and greet citing sickness. I then proceed to tell him that its rude to just bring someone over without calling first.

And now I sit here in shame, tears welling up because I don't know how to cope with this situation.

Fathers

Fathers. Be good to your kids. Love them unconditionally. I shouldn't have to be sitting here 2 days before Xmas wondering why my father didn't love me enough to be a Dad. Why he was never there and still isn't. Why being away from his kids is so easy. That's the shit that makes people not want to live anymore. Thats the beginning of the abyss that suicides feed off of. Its a deep dark hole that I have to climb out of when i start to wonder and ask why. Love your kids, be there, no matter how hard it is to. No matter how many times you wanna run from the situation you don't know how to deal with. Stick. No one ever solved a problem by running or slinking away.

Sand In Our Toes, and Sea Breeze In Our Hair

My family (minus my teenage son who was spending time with his father in the Bay Area) took a mini vacation last week to Fort Bragg, Ca. It was a 3 day tour for us but it was just what we needed to recharge. We spent most of our time in the town or the very outskirts of the town of Fort Bragg, but our 2nd day we traveled further north up the Mendocino Coast, through the Redwoods and made ourselves extremely tourist-y. And yes i make up words to suit my own verbal needs. Its a gift really lol. My favorite parts of the trip were ofcourse, the BEACHES! I am an infinite lover of all things Ocean & Sand. Maybe its my Bohemian Hippie spirit but I am never as relaxed as I am when im by the beach. Ill upload more from the trip randomly but here are a few pics of our adventures. 

Taken just outside a beautiful coastal town named Westport that I gasped at when I saw it. This was Day 2 on our way to to the Redwoods. Wesport looked liked something from a Debbie Macomber book. 

Taken at Seaside Beach (part of the Ten Mile Beach strip) on Day 1 of our trip.

My flower children playing at Seaside Beach Day 1

My flower children enjoying the sunset & water at Seaside Beach. Day 1 

Avery friendly Seagull perched in front of me at Mackerricher Sate Park on the 1st Seal & Whale watching pier. 

My flower children thanking Mother Earth for the beauty. Night 2.

May You Touch Dragonflies and Stars

May you touch dragonflies and stars, Dance with Fairies and talk to the moon. 

What You Think, You Attract.

Whatever you are thinking, is what you are attracting.

Gypsies, Tramps, & Thieves.

Gypsies, Tramps, & Thieves.

Do More Than Just Exist

Do More Than Just Exist